FreeWillY

I think therefore I think I am.

I know I think.  I know I am.

How do I know what I think & what I am matters?

I know they both matter to me.

I know I think both consciously & unconsciously.

I know I never stop thinking.
Some thoughts just seem to pop in my mind all on their own.

I know which thoughts I like & which thoughts I don't.

I know which thoughts are love & which thoughts are not.
I do decide which thoughts linger.
Some thoughts seem to come back when I least expect them.
I don't think that is my decision - but maybe it is.
If it is - I'm not sure how to stop it from happening.
I still know I can always deny them time to linger.
If it's not me who's doing it - who else could it be?

Do I really know what I need?

Do I really know what I want?

Do I know or do I only think I know?
Do I make my own decisions or not?
Every moment I must make a decision 
- whether I'm aware of it or not.
What am I deciding?
How do I know?

What I know I don't have to think about - I just know.

There is no question.

There is no debate.

There is no doubt.
There is no conflict.

I think about what I think I need to think about.

I think about what I think I don't need to think about.

I think about what I think I want to think about.

I think about what I think I don't want to think about.

I care about what I think I need to care about. 

I care about what I think I don't need to care about.

I care about what I think I want to care about.

I care about what I think I don't want to care about.

I worry about what I think I need to worry about.

I worry about what I think I don't need to worry about.

I only worry about what I think I don't want to worry about.

I never worry about what I want to worry about 
b/c I don't want to worry about anything.

I feel what I think I need to feel.

I feel what I think I don't need to feel.

I feel what I think I want to feel.

I feel what I think I don't want to feel.

I say what I think I need to say.

I say what I think I don't need to say.

I say what I think I want to say.

I say what I think I don't want to say.

I do what I think I need to do.

I do what I think I don't need to do.

I do what I think I want to do.

I do what I think I don't want to do.

I think I need what I think I need.

I think I need what I think I want.

I think I want what I think I need.

I think I want what I think I want.

I think I need to think something.

I think I want to think something.

I think I need to care about something.

I think I don't need to care about anything.

I know I want to care about something.

I know I don't want to care about some things.

I think I need to worry about some things.

I know I don't want to worry about anything.

I know I feel something.

I know I want to feel something.

Do I need to feel something?

I know I say something.

I know I want to say something.

Do I need to say something?

I know I do something.

I know I want to do something.

Do I need to do something?

Do I need to need something?

I know I want to want something.

Do I need to want something?

I don't want to need anything.

I think what I think matters.

I think what I feel matters.

I think what I say matters.

I think what I do matters.

Does what I think only matter to me?

Does what I feel only matter to me?

Does what I say only matter to me?

Does what I do only matter to me?

I think therefore I think I matter.

Do I only matter to me?

How do I know?

Light Particles

I can see light particles in my eye - not out in the world - within my eye - like the light is bouncing against my lens. 

It's very different than all the floaty black specks you can sometimes see floating in your eye.  These are very tiny bright white particles that move around all on their own.

I've been observing them for more than 13 years when I first noticed that they were there. I'm sure they've always been there - I just never noticed them before then. There seem to be more of them now than when I first started noticing them.

Some days they seem more active than others - but I have no idea why.

I've shown some other people how to notice them & they say they can see them too - but they don't see as many as I do now & nobody ever seems at all interested in them - they always just blow it off like it's no big deal. I can't find any information about them anywhere.

I've emailed several particle physicists & some others about them but nobody ever responds.

They're easiest to see when looking at a flat bright bg like the sky or a white wall in a brightly lit room. I know they're still present no matter where I am & no matter how much light is available they're just more difficult to see if the bg isn't flat or if there isn't much available light - or if I keep changing where my eyes are focused.  It's better to focus on one spot for a few moments.

The particles move around in various ways - some pop on & off - others zip around very fast - some move slower - some zig zag around before disappearing - they kind of act like tiny falling stars. 

They're all on the same plane in my eye - there is no z axis movement at all - they're not coming at me or going away - that's why I believe it's the light bouncing off the lens of my eye & scattering as it enters my eye.

By slowly panning my head while keeping my focus straight ahead I've proven that the particles all move together as a group even though they continue to do their own thing individually.

If I'm looking at the clear or overcast sky they're everywhere in my vision. There's far too many particles to count & it's impossible to watch just one of them for more than a moment.  They never stop appearing & disappearing.  When I first started noticing them I would say there were less than half of what I can see now - but I don't remember that happening - it seems to have increased gradually over time.  As far as I can tell it has stopped increasing.

I really just want to know what the fuck they are - but nobody seems to be able to answer that.  I can't believe somebody isn't studying them or that more people wouldn't be interested in them if they saw them too.  It's impossible for me not to see them now when I look at the sky.

They don't really bother me at all other than not being able to find any information about them anywhere. Indoors I hardly ever notice them - unless I look for them. If I stare at the white on my computer screen for a few moments I can see them - again - in my eye - not actually on the screen itself.

Again - the particles are nothing like all the black shit floating around in the eyeball that you can sometimes see when you shift your eyes back & forth or up & down - you'll probably see some of that stuff too if you look for the particles - but the particles are always bright white. They never get more or less bright - they only appear & disappear.  They don't seem to be on the same plane as the other stuff either.

I'm not really expecting a response to this - but if you do happen to read this & decide to look for them yourself I would appreciate one if you see them & have any thoughts about them or know someone who might know what they are.

thanx

HoW tO PlAy ThE pIaNo W/o ReAlLy TrYiNg

I don’t know if this proves the existence of God, or not - I do know it proves that something that seems difficult & hard to understand can become easy by thinking about it a better way - may not seem like it’s better to everybody - but it’s better for me & so I believe – I already proved it works for me beyond a shadow of doubt - proof for you it may not be - there's really only one way to find out - but first you have to want to PlAy

Don’t try to do all of this at once - though you’re certainly free to try - if any part of it frustrates or confuses you skip that part & do what doesn’t - have fun - that’s the best way I know how to explain how to do it

As a warm-up - Play only black keys - Play them all - Hold your foot down on the right foot pedal - Make it sound like something to you in your head - run your fingers & palms down all the black keys - one end to other - vary holding down the right foot pedal & releasing it - have fun doing it like a child playing w/o any supervision & nobody is home

Pick three black keys with the left hand - Pick the same three blacks keys an octave or two higher with the right hand - don’t know what an octave is take a look at the keys & take a guess - it doesn’t really matter now 

Play those three keys w/ each hand in various ways - all 3 w/ the left then 1 then 2 - in any combination however you want - do the same w/ the right hand - keep doing it until you like what you here – change black keys till you find a short pattern you can repeat & that you like - once you find that pattern keep repeating it - go away from the pattern then come back to it - like it’s a part of a song

Mix it up - try introducing new keys & listen for what sounds good to you - if you don’t like how it sounds try till you find one you do - sing a line of lyrics - sing softly at first - pick a line that matches the repeat pattern you like playing - maybe the line is something you heard that day or something you said to yourself or somebody else said that you thought was funny - or just sing whatever comes to mind while you’re playing - find one phrase you really like & keep repeating it until another line comes to mind - sing however you like – don’t worry about what it sounds like – if you don’t like how it sounds just sing it softly like a whisper

Do the same w/ white keys - only start with picking every other white key as the 3 - 3 w/ the left & 3 w/ the right - move up or down 1 or 2 keys as you play them in various ways - 3 fingers together then 2 fingers then 1 finger - mix it up w/ both hands - find whatever sounds good to you - find another pattern you like to repeat - play the same notes w/ a different rhythm or a different tempo

Go to  http://8notes.com/piano_chord_chart/  for some chord charts to play - play the chords & their inversions all the way up & down the keyboard - pick any 3 note chord to start like C - start at middle C w/ the left hand & play the chord - C E G - play the same chord w/ the right hand one octave higher - move either right or left w/ both hands by playing the inverted forms of the chord - do one hand at a time if that's easier - play in both directions - for C that would mean if going to the right you’d play - C E G then E G C - the new C being an octave higher - then G C E - do it up & down the keyboard - start easy - have fun

Play all the C chords w/ the left hand - switching from one chord to the next - add the right hand when there is more than 4 notes - play the notes of the chord 1 at a time - then mix it up & play 2 or 3 - add the right hand into the mix an octave higher

Do the same type of finger patterns w/ all the different chords – learn the inverted forms of all the chords as well

Here are some chords that go together - learn to play between them in each Key - put 3 or 4 or 5 of them together into a repeated pattern & you got a song - play chords w/ the left hand & mix it up w/ the right hand playing partial chords or single notes of the chord one after the other - start around middle C then experiment w/ playing higher & lower octaves - moving further to the left w/ the left hand & further right w/ the right

KEY OF C

F  C  G  Am  Em  Dm  Eb  Bb  Bdim  FMaj7  CMaj7  G7  Am7  Em7  Dm7  Bm7b5  Ebmaj7  BbMaj7

KEY OF F

A#  F  C  Gm  Dm  Am  Edim  Ab  Eb  A#Maj7  FMaj7  C7  Gm7  Dm7  Am7  Em7b5  AbMaj7  EbMah7

KEY OF G

C  G  D  Am  Em  Bm  F#dim  Bb  F  CMaj7  GMaj7  D7  Am7  Em7  Bm7  F#m7b5  BbMaj7  FMaj7

PlAyInG iS sUpPoSeD tO bE fUn - So HaVe FuN