Catch 22

What is Catch 22?  Catch 22 is a circular line of reasoning used by the powers that be to make it impossible for an individual to be able to exercise their own free will.  Catch 22 is used against anybody who attempts to get out of the control system being imposed on a group by those who have the power to enforce it. It’s a way of making sure all the sheep stay w/ the herd.

In Joseph Heller’s novel Catch 22, Capt. Yossarian is a bombadier during WWII who doesn’t want to fly anymore missions.  Yossarian goes to the camp doctor asking to be grounded saying he’s unfit to fly b/c he’s crazy.  The doctor explains the Army’s Catch 22 policy to him.  Anybody that's crazy is not supposed to fly - but since Yossarian is asking to be grounded he must not really be crazy.  According to the policy of Catch 22 the doctor can’t ground him b/c he’d actually be crazy if he wanted to fly & since he doesn’t want to fly he must not be crazy - so Yossarian has to keep flying.  Yossarian points out that Orr, a pilot who always crashes, is crazy & asks why the doctor still lets him fly.  The doctor admits Orr is crazy & says all Orr has to do is ask him to be grounded – but then the doctor can’t ground him b/c of Catch 22.

That’s some catch that Catch 22.  It’s the best there is.

Why does it seem to be so much easier to do something to make myself unhappy rather than to make myself happy?  I've tried doing nothing but I don't think that really makes me happy.  Maybe it does & I just don't realize what being happy is.  Do I know what being happy really is?  Have I ever really been happy?

I think I’ve been happy at various points in my life but they never seem to last very long.

Why is money the one thing I think makes all the difference between being happy or not being happy?

I’ve had money & I’ve not had money & I know having money makes me happier.  I’ve said this many times & I don't have any doubt in my mind about it.  Give anybody a thousand dollars for no reason & you'll see somebody get happy fast.  

Take away a thousand dollars for no reason & you'll see just the opposite.  As long as being happy really means what I think it means that's the way I see it - I don't think it's inconceivable.

For me, what I have to do to get the money makes all the difference.  I want to get the money doing something I enjoy doing - I’d prefer it just be given to me or won - just like most everyone would.  If I truly always have everything I need & I don’t have any money, I shouldn’t need to do anything for money b/c I must not need it.  

Why does it seem that I do?  Why doesn't there seem to be any way around it that will allow me to just be happy w/o money?

Everybody always wants the truth, yet nobody really knows what the whole truth is.  In order to know the truth as it applies to the world you’d have to know everything there is to know & how it affects everybody & everything right now this very instant & every instant before & after.  Now that is inconceivable.

The truth can't be different for everybody & be true - can it?  I know I’ve asked that before - so I must not be convinced yet.  You’ve think I would by now – but I’m not.  I’ve decided that the only way the truth can be different for everybody & still be true is if everybody is always right for themselves.  That still doesn’t mean they’ll like what happens to them – but at least that way nobody has to ever worry about being wrong about anything they decide to say or do.  I know everybody won’t like that answer – but so what?

I know I can believe something is true that isn't & everybody else can do the same.  So that must be true – but how does that really help me?  According to the way most people in the world think - if what two people believe to be true is completely different - both can't be right - but both can be wrong.  Since nobody knows the whole truth – the whole truth can’t be known – but what is true about the world can be known.  What is true must be true for everybody all the time.  That’s the only criteria that is full proof.  So the only way truth can be different for everybody is if everybody is right for themselves alone.  That way nobody is ever wrong – no matter what.  Who’s willing to accept that besides me?

There’s no other way to ever know what’s really true & what’s bullshit.  That actually does away w/ bullshit b/c then there’s never any reason to argue about anything w/ anybody.  I'm always right for myself & I'm never wrong for myself - no matter what you think about it.  You’re always right for yourself & never right for me unless I agree w/ you & vice versa.  What’s wrong w/ that?

Everything anybody else knows somebody else made up. Did somebody else tell me this or did I just make it up?  I'm not even sure.  I think I just made it up & now I’m telling you. 

Did I hear it somewhere else or read it somewhere?  I don’t think I did.  Is it the result of all I’ve heard or read since I’ve been here?  Maybe.  I think I like the idea of it.  How will knowing that change my life?  How will it change my perception?  Can I actually live w/ that as the basis of my thought system?  I have to decide on some thought system in order to live here even if I’m not aware of the thought system I have decided on.  Whether I’m aware of it or not I’m using a thought system right now – I learned it & I teach it – regardless from whomever I learned it – even myself.  I’d rather be aware of it than not – regardless of the fact that I can never wrong for myself.  I prefer that my thought system not contradict itself.  

The truth seems to change constantly in my mind from the past to now & into the future, which can only mean, what I think is true isn’t really true except for right now.  I just make up what's true like everything else.  Truth doesn't really mean anything we don't want it to mean for ourselves.  By choosing for ourselves we’re automatically choosing for everybody else.  We all want what we believe to be true – that’s why we believe it.  Why would I believe something is true that I don’t want to be true?  We want what we believe to be true to be true for everybody b/c it helps convince us that it’s really true for us.  We all want to be right.

What if I don’t have to worry anymore about whether or not what I believe is true is true for anybody other than myself?  What changes in my mind as a result of not having to worry about being right or wrong?  That doesn’t mean I still won’t be judged by others.  That’s a given - people always judge.  Is it possible for me to stop?  Not as long as I’m worried.

If nothing can really be true, how can truth matter?  It really is just a word somebody made up & other people agreed upon.  The word itself doesn’t really matter – it’s really the idea behind the word that should matter.  That goes for everything.  Words only exist to express ideas – so they can be communicated & understood by everyone – for the benefit of everyone.

There are things that are true for everybody all the time so there are some things in this world that are true that are universal – that suggests that the truth itself is universal also – even if it’s abstract. 

If everybody is right for themselves all the time that too is universal & that’s abstract at the same time - which is how the mind naturally works anyways.  So, why not?

Everybody lies.  Everybody lies all the time for all kinds of reasons – even if it’s only to themselves.  I can have 10 reasons for any 1 thing I do.  If I can - so can everybody else.  There's no way you can know all 10 of mine & there's no way I can know all 10 of yours.  It's impossible.  Is that true or not?

When people think they’re being lied to they usually demand to know the truth, but the truth to them is usually hearing what they want to hear or at least something they’re willing to accept as true – so hearing the whole truth might be painful to their ears that want to hear something else other than the whole truth. 

Once people know they’ve been lied to they usually don’t really care what the truth is - they just want to know.  Does the time & space that has passed between really make any difference to how painful the truth might be now?

When people hear what they want to hear they believe they’re hearing the truth.  So the most effective lies always tell people what they want to hear.

The truth doesn’t really matter except to the individual, who decides for themselves what's true all the time.  People want other people to agree w/ them on what's true & what isn't & they'll do all sorts of things to make what they want to be true be true for everybody else - even when it isn't.  

Nobody argues w/ somebody who agrees w/ them.  

Is the world still flat even though that’s how it seems?  I can see why people would have believed it was – they didn’t know.  They couldn’t zoom out – but the proof that it isn’t has always been able to be perceived.  Most of them probably didn’t really care.  Somebody said it was flat & everybody agreed.  Well, not everybody.  People were executed for speaking differently about it at the time – so most people kept their mouths shut about it if they didn’t agree.  The evidence was still always there – right in front of them – but it had to be accepted first.  People actually used to believe the moon was made out of cheese too.

Everything is how it is – no matter what anybody believes.  Knowing the truth doesn’t really change anything except in your own mind.  Belief just gives the people in charge a reason to do what they want & keep everybody else in line or in the dark.  

Those who know the truth are using that knowledge to their own advantage – they think people can’t handle the truth & they justify lying about it by convincing themselves it’s in everybody’s best interests when it’s really in theirs.

Truth doesn't lead to knowledge unless what you believe is true is really true – until then it only seems like it does. It gives people something to do w/ their time.  Questions lead to answers which only lead to more questions & the truth remains unknown.

What else would all the smart people do w/ their time if they didn't have the truth to look for in the name of knowledge?  In the name of whatever they’re interested in.  So be it – let them keep looking.  I don’t have to keep looking – but I can’t seem to stop either.  Why is that?  Is it b/c I don’t know – b/c I still have doubt?

I got other shit I’d rather be doing – but the bullshit I know I have to go through to do it makes it not worth doing to me.  I’ve gone down that road for long enough to know it doesn’t lead anywhere I want to go.  It’s like walking around the world – eventually you end up right where you started.  Nothing about the world actually changes – but you might change your mind about the world & that is everything.

You’re free to think whatever you want - but you’re certainly not free to do whatever you want - at least not w/o somebody else telling you you're doing something wrong or something you shouldn’t.  How is anybody really free at all?  

Depending what it is you want to do makes all the difference.  Does that mean it should only be okay to do things that nobody objects to?  Who would accept that?  I certainly wouldn’t be willing to accept that as true.  Nothing about the world suggests that it is.

If the truth is supposed to set me free & I’m not always free to do what I want to do - what could be true that would set me free except what someone else decided is true?  They truth must have already been decided & not by any of us.  It must be to our mutual benefit even if we don’t agree on what it is.

I don’t think anything that I really want to do is any danger to anyone else.  Some people might not like what I want to do – but there is no intention of harming anybody else behind anything I really want to do.  I don’t believe this is true for everybody all the time – but I do believe it’s true for me all the time.  Maybe not in the past – but now it is.  Unless something happens to change my mind about it - you can’t convince me that it’s not true now – at least for me.  I’m certain I’m not the only one it’s true for & I’m certain there are people that it’s not – but not all the time.

If I'm always right for myself no matter what I do I shouldn’t have to worry anymore about anything.  I always want to be right for myself.   I don’t need to be right for everybody else.  I never want to be wrong unless what I’m thinking is wrong.  I know there are no idle thoughts.  I put all my faith in thoughts I think are true.

If the only thoughts that are ever true are ones of love & love is only love when it’s unconditional - how does knowing that set me free?  If nobody else agrees w/ me - what good does knowing it do me?  Can I really love everything & everyone unconditionally?  

I don't think I can - but I hope I’m wrong.  I do know I can try.  Does that do me any good?  Is trying to do that to my benefit?  Is it in my best interests?  Is it in everyone else’s?  How do I know if I’m really trying?  What do I have to do to love everything & everyone unconditionally?  What am I not doing already?

If I'm always right for myself no matter what I think & no matter what I do - I don't ever have to worry about what I think or do being wrong.  Somebody else can worry about it if they want - that's their decision.  I know somebody will tell me if they don’t like what I say or do – that’s a given.  How I respond to that is still always up to me.  That’s my decision & it’s always based on what I think is true - what I believe - what I value.  They are all the same.

In that respect I'm free now & always - only I can think I'm not free - it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks - they're right for themselves just like I'm right for myself.  Everything else will just take care of itself like it always has – even before I believed it was true.  You might not like it & I might not like it – doesn’t mean it’s not true.  You still might not believe it – but I do.

How does believing or not believing make things any different than how they are now? 

At least this way I don’t need to worry about it.  I can if I want to – but I don’t want to.  I don’t have to give in to thoughts of fear & doubt & guilt & anger.  The choice is all mine - every time one of them comes to mind.  Nobody else gets to decide for me – no matter what I experience.  If I feel the need to say or do something – I’ll say or do it.  If someone doesn’t like what I say or do that will work itself out.  I don’t have to think their opinion applies to me at all.  I don’t have any reason to argue my point of view unless I feel the need.  If I do something that’s against the laws that have been made up to keep all the sheep in the pen - that too will take care of itself.  It ain’t against the law if you never get caught & I never really liked crowds.

Nobody can keep this sheep in a pen b/c I ain’t no sheep.  I’m not a wolf either.  I’m a man whose spirit & mind are free.

Free at last - free at last - thank God Almighty - I'm free at last.

You might say - What if everybody thought like that?  & I’d have to say – Well…then I'd be a damn fool to think any different. 

I know Yossarian would agree.